Perspective

There are moments in life when someone says something to you, and BAM everything just clicks, and you feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. I have had a rough week, dealing with some issues with a certain person, and have been really angry and upset. I talked to a few people about the situation, and they were all sympathetic and supportive (which most if not all of my colleagues are) but it didn't really help me move past it. I felt like I was trapped in the situation and had no power. I hate feeling powerless, I think we all do, and being made to feel powerless by someone who is supposed to empower and support, makes the whole thing even more frustrating and hurtful. So I was ready to give up and just not care any more. I was ready to just put in the bare minimum and not go above and beyond the call of duty, and then came some words of wisdom. I had been thinking along the same lines, but couldn't really put it into tangible words that made sense or struck a chord. The words that were spoken did that.

Basically, I was told that calling it quits and just doing the bare minimum would be supporting the assumption that this person has made about me and that I would not be gaining the power and autonomy that I need by doing this. Instead, I should rise above the situation and put in as much effort as I normally do (which I think is a lot). Changing myself and changing how I go about doing my job would not lead anywhere good, in fact it would harm me because I am not the type of person who can do things half assed and feel good about it, and it could possibly my hurt my career, which God has given to me as my vocation so that would not be good either. So I have decided to be the teacher I know I can be, know I want to be, and will not give this person cause to question my competency, my commitment to my job, my students,or the community. In doing this, I prove them wrong, I prove that what they think and how they see me are unjustified. I take away the power they had over me. Their words and opinions of me will no longer define who I am, will no longer make me hide in fear, or react out of anger. That is not me, although it has been me this year, I am taking my sense of self back and not allowing the negative to effect me. It's not easy cause I always think the worst about myself, I think that is human nature, but I am ready to stop receiving the lies and I am ready to stand in truth instead.

 I hope that by taking this path instead, it will lead to a restoration in the relationship I have to have with this person, but it is going to take a long time, and a lot of prayer, cause even though I am ready to ignore and rise above and forgive, I am not ready to forget just yet. It will come though because God is HERE in this situation. I know that full well.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Here is a song that has been running through my mind all day....